A whole lot of surprises, new experiences, and love coming with marriage. This includes an extended family and getting accustomed to a new life-partners, the one you’re gonna begin a family with. Certainly, something no one would want to miss. Single life is full of excitement and thrill but with the reunion of two lovers, everything gets a little better with the constant support throughout life.
However, not everything is as easy as it sounds about marriage. Priorities change, responsibilities change, the whole world changes and if a good thought and planning isn’t done before getting hitched, the result can be disappointing. We all want a healthy marriage but hoping things will be the same after marriage is just a myth. Reality hits different when our expectations don’t match with reality and that ends up having negative results and reactions.
Here we have compiled 10 things that you must remember before getting married. It doesn’t matter if you are single or married for 5, you can still learn and choose to participate in having a healthier marriage.
10 Things to keep in mind before getting married
1. It won’t be a perfect marriage-
Let’s start by hitting a rock bottom to your expectations that it will never be a perfect marriage. It isn’t a very wise thing to enter a new union with the bar of expectations set really high. Movies don’t show everything cause they’re acting mostly all the time and your dreams of having a perfect marriage will ruin a good and healthy marriage.
There is no such thing as perfection in this world. There are efforts and trials, and a couple overcomes them all but still can never reach the pinnacle of perfection. In fact, perfection, to be honest, is no fun at all. Unpredictable things and weird situations are the ones that make a marriage healthy and peaceful. Remember, you need a healthy marriage, not a perfect one.
2. Your spouse is just a human-
Similar to your marriage, your partner is also an imperfect human being who is made up of the same blood and bones. If you can make mistakes, so can they. They can lie, argue, cook a terrible meal, be late for work or home, be tired eventually, and may forget to compliment you. But that doesn’t mean they don’t love you, it’s just that they are just human beings who are trying to live a lovely and joyful life with you. Don’t be so hard on them in the future because they would appreciate your compliments for their efforts even more.
3. Be prepared for arguments
“You were honest and funny before marriage, what happened to you now?” “Well, priorities and responsibilities change a person Honey.”
Don’t be so shocked if your wife does agree with everything that you say and don’t be bitter if she argues with you over what channel she watches on television. Everyone has their opinion, and they have the freedom to do what they want to, not what you expect them to do. Respect their likings and their disliking if you want to have a peaceful marriage. There will be arguments but like mature people, sit and talk it out. There is nothing that doesn’t have a conclusion.
4. Forgiving and forgetting
We as humans cannot forgive and forget so easily but what if it’s our spouse? Should we not forgive them and forget their mistakes? Get used to doing that fella. There will be a lot of words that will cause you unintended pain and a lot of bad choices that will question your decision to marry that person but remember, it’s the one you love and it’s the one you chose to spend your life with. Develop a habit of forgiving them for what they said unintentionally rather than carrying it in your hearts and being bitter. Is it tough? Yes, but it is possible. A healthy marriage is not two people giving 50% each. It is two imperfect people, working wonderfully and giving 100% of themselves to have a joyful time together.
5. Not loved enough
Some common complaints that I’ve found recently, this one tops it, “I am not feeling loved enough”. Well, true, cause your wife is also sharing that love with your father, mother, sister, brother, your child, and your dogs too if fortunate. It will never be just about you after marriage since it’s not just a match of two people but two families and everyone deserves to have a part of their love too. Your spouse may love you so much, but they are also loving your family whom you, so dearly love. Remember, support them in such challenges, and your marriage will be deeper and better.
6. No Privacy
When I was a kid, I was not allowed to have any privacy as my mom always taught me that unless you are old enough to carry your responsibilities, you will adhere to our rules and functions. So, I could not keep any secrets from my parents when I was a kid and it frustrated me because I wanted to. Today I understand how effective that was. Similarly, in a marriage, it’s better to not have any secrets from your partner. You are meant to be together forever and for that, you need transparency and trust. Keeping secrets from friends is understandable but from a husband, not a good idea at all. This ends up having trust issues and doubt which are very unhealthy.’
However, remember there is a different between secrets and privacy. You can still have your privacy (which is very important) while not having any secrets with your partner.
7. Do not expect
Expectation brings disappointment and it’s true even in a marriage. Your expectations are your responsibility and every time you get disappointed, it is completely on your shoulders. Never expect anything from anyone because when you do, you make yourself prone to damage. Expect nothing and receive everything that comes as a gift because then you will be able to cherish it and dwell on it beautifully having fewer heartaches and more good memories.
8. Guard your heart
Just like expectations, your heart is also your responsibility. “She broke my heart and it caused great wounds in my heart.” Well, guard your heart above all else because everything flows through it. Your spouse may say or do stuff you won’t like but that doesn’t mean they intend to hurt you, it may be circumstances or situations but when you guard your heart, you avoid being disappointed and broken on issues that don’t even matter.
9. I am tired
Ice breaker, “There won’t be sex all the time”. We are not machines that work tirelessly for hours. We need rest so that we could work effectively and since we know how important intercourse is in a relationship, it won’t be there every day. Someday, your spouse might be tired, someday you may be, or someday, some relatives will decide to hijack your house for a few nights, and sometimes your kid won’t let you. Be used to be ok with not having sex all the time. Let every time you have sex, make it a beautiful moment.
10. Partner’s finance
This is one untouched topic that is very uncomfortable to talk about which eventually leads to divorce. It is so important to understand that seasons change in everyone’s life. It won’t be spring all the time, there may be serious winters some days but that’s okay. Talk about your finances and your overall financial planning. Your partner may be suffering from a financial crisis and you won’t even know if you don’t ask. Keep on checking the things that affect them and matters to them. It makes a relationship stronger and more beautiful than ever.