It is late eleven on the clock, you are sitting extra hours at work. You get up for a quick coffee break and see your coworker standing near the machine. They smile at you, and suddenly you find their gelled-up hair attractive. You wonder- were those dimples always there? Oh boy, you have entered the dangerous crush zone. Worse, you have a crush on your coworker!
Dealing with an office crush is tricky. What makes the bumpy road full of butterflies more exciting is the fact that they are always before your eyes. You know, how this feeling of crushing over someone is! You want to look at them, try to have a conversation and tell all about it to your friends.
But sharing with your coworkers about your new itsy-bitsy crush is risky since words spread like a wildfire. But not talking to anyone about it eats you alive. You can’t skip work and hence end up getting distracted by your crush all day long.
The feeling is tricky, but we are here to help. Let’s begin with the basics. Before jumping to conclusions, begin with finding out if it is really a crush or just a momentary infatuation. More importantly, be extremely sure that your crush shares the same feelings about you.
Signs that your coworker might also have a crush on you
Directly asking someone about what they feel is better than relying on signs, but in some scenarios, it might get weird.
Working in the same environment for almost the entire day can create an attraction for the person. Sometimes it is mutual, while most of the time, it turns out to be unrequited. It is important to read the signs to know if your coworker shares the same feelings before a harmless crush turns into an uncontrollable attraction.
Here are a few signs your coworker too has a crush on you.
- They smile at you. A LOT!
- They try to make you laugh
- They find reasons to talk to you or always trying to start a conversation.
- Treating you special
- Laughs at your jokes even when they might not be that funny
- They get a little protective of you
- They try to spend more time with you
- When you make them nervous
- Their body language and voice tone change when speaking to you
- They remember minute details about you
“… but what if they are just not that into you?”
You read the above signs if your coworker too has a crush on you and realize maybe you are among the unfortunate unrequited population. What now? Move on. It is better said than done, but trying to make something work that is not going to, is a big no-no!
You know you need to stop crushing for your good, but you cannot help yourself. You search through thousands of articles online, read up books, but no success. Putting an end to the weird fantasies building up in your head is important. You do not want to have awkward eye contact anymore in further meetings.
Some companies even have a no-dating policy so that might be another reason why you need to get over your crush at work.
So, how do you deal with it? Here are few ways in which you can get rid of an office crush without embarrassing yourself and handling things like a professional.
How to get over a crush at work?
Now that you are aware of the signs to spot if your coworker has crush on you too, let’s dive into how you can let go of the feeling.
1. Read office policies
Going through the policies and regulations of your office is important. Some offices might adhere to policies where no spouses may work together and report to the same boss. While sometimes they do not allow any kind of romantic involvement among their employees (no dating policy). So go through that policy handbook and check so that you do not end up in any kind of official trouble.
2. Talk about it
Talking about your feelings is always a better choice than having them deal with it yourself. However, avoid discussing the same with a friend at the workplace or a colleague. As mentioned earlier, words spread like wildfire especially in a competitive environment where people might be looking for one chance to step up on others. Talk to your office friend only if you trust them truly and you know they will keep your secret safe.
Telling someone outside work gives the situation an unbiased and a different point of view. They might give you some harmless advice and not contribute to making it an office gossip. If friends are not someone you would like to rely on, seek a therapist. They will provide professional guidance and reliable advice.
3. Meet new people
If you are extremely sure about feelings not being mutual, start seeing other people. You don’t need any distraction that isn’t going to reward you with what you want. Getting to know someone else and developing an interest will surely make the little crush fade away.
Open your mind to endless possibilities. Single life is like an endless horizon with a plethora of experiences and experiments. Enjoy the attention. Although, this is not bound to work every time and for everyone, but if it tickles your senses, go for it. If you do not wish for something serious, open your arms to casual dating. Set your dating app profile and get yourself going. If you do not wish to label it, simply go out on friendly dates and see how it turns out.
4. Do not feel bad
Rejection might makes you feel worse about yourself. You feel you are on two extreme ends of either not being enough for anybody or maybe being too much to handle. It is, however, completely okay to feel like that. Different people have different ways of reactions. But consuming yourself into it is not a solution.
Cry about it. It can be a good coping mechanism and help some. You are going to feel sad and tired. You might even feel like shutting the world out and be alone. Everyone deals with situations differently, and if this is the way you deal with it, then be it. Get sad but snap out of it after that.
5. Time for some self-care
There is nothing better than knowing your worth and allowing yourself to move on from things that are not radiating joy. What you need is to care for yourself more than anyone or anything else. Enjoying your companionship is better than having to deal with someone.
Start focusing more on what you want- from life, from work- everything. Create new goals to achieve and shift your focus from your crush at work. Start taking up classes you are interested in. Going on a solo trip also gives you time to focus on yourself.
6. Spend some time with your friends
After all, what are friends for? A good support system is what you need the most, and if you have it, you are winning in life. Friends who know you well enough will help to be a great distraction. Spending quality time with your group of friends is always a better idea than being alone and sad.
Go to those parties you were avoiding because of workload. A nice dinner sounds fantastic, right? Sleepovers at your friend’s house or calling them for one is so much better than thinking about your crush at work.
7. Having a set of boundaries will help
You won’t magically stop crushing over them. Setting boundaries is important as you are going to see them every day. Limit casual conversations with them. Change the way you talk with them. Keep the talks strictly professional. Stop going on coffee breaks with them or share lunch breaks.
Apart from avoiding their real-life presence, ignore them in your virtual life as well. Stop checking their social media profile. Avoid chatting with them online or texting them for a casual conversation.
8. Work harder
Get your head in the game. Block your emotional response for a while and start working on those files. Indulge in tasks you have been avoiding lately. Complete that deadline before time. Work distraction is the best kind of distraction. You can get more serious in prospering at your work.
9. It’s time to polish your skills
Remember those art classes you wanted to do a while ago but couldn’t because of the heavy load of files? Well, now is a perfect time. Get back going. Visit libraries in your town, start gaining knowledge, you might never know when you will need it. If you can express through art, words, or pictures, start doing it. Bring back that creative side of yours to life and thank your crush at work. Nothing better than awakening the innovative genius in you.
10. Stay practical
We all have this imaginative world we create in our heads where alternate reality runs by. It is a kind of coping mechanism humans create to escape the horrors of reality. While everything might seem well in your imagination, but start being practical. Do not blur the lines between reality and fantasy. In your head, you might fantasize things with your crush but hold your horses. Be practical and stay realistic.
While living in your dreamland gives a sense of satisfaction and happiness, stay in reality so that you do not land yourself in a bad heartbreak. Don’t let your common senses run away from you just because you have a crush on a coworker. Be rational and open your mind.